How’s Your Self Esteem? ... Some Tips

Remember that changing the habits that have promoted low self-esteem takes time and effort. You did not develop the behaviours and thought patterns reflected in poor esteem overnight, and they cannot be totally altered quickly.With practice, however, you will recognise gradual improvement in your attitude towards and treatment of yourself. Appreciate tiny steps forward. Be patient with yourself and persist.

List affirmations. Write down some statements that you wish you had been told about yourself when you were growing up. Write things you’d like to hear now. Write things you hope you will say to your children to help them feel good about themselves. Keep your list handy for at least a week to add thoughts as they occur.

Read your affirmations. Several times daily (it helps to set aside a scheduled time period), read the affirmations you have written. Read them slowly and direct them towards yourself. Imagine yourself as a young child, hearing these messages. You will not believe them at first, and that is all right. It is important that you say them to yourself over and over.

Write your affirmations on notecards or small sheets of paper. Iinclude only one or two statements on each card. Place the cards in strategic places throughout your home. For instance, tape some to your bathroom and bedroom mirrors and attach some with magnets to your refrigerator. Place some in your wallet and purse and leave some on the dashboard of your car. Read these several times a day.

Repeat Your Affirmations Notice some of the affirming messages that are particularly warming and soothing to you. Begin to repeat these to yourself several times a day, especially on stressful days, or when you catch yourself engaging in negative self-talk. Remember, you will not believe any of the messages at first. It is important that you say them anyway - again and again and again.

Pamper Yourself Treat yourself to at least one thing that you enjoy everyday. This may be something as simple as taking a warm bath or reading a chapter in a novel or sipping some hot flavored coffee. Choose something that is a real treat for you. As you begin your self-nurturing activity, say to yourself, "I am doing this because I like it and that is enough. I am worth treating well." You may want to repeat this and similar phrases throughout your enjoyable exercise.

Monitor Your Self-Talk Throughout the Day. Identify and reduce thought patterns that are detrimental to your self-esteem. Note what you say to yourself during periods of stress or when you make a mistake. Whenever a negative self-statement pops into your mind (habits are hard to break, remember but try and try again), think,  "I don’t believe that about myself." Then repeat an affirming message or statement that negates the self-defeating one.

Make a list of the negative self-statements that you tend to make when under stress. If you are unable to identify these readily, compile your list over a period of time by monitoring your thoughts during stressful periods. Once you have written down your self-damaging statements, write the opposite of each message or a challenge to each one. For example, change "I am stupid" to "I am smart and competent in many areas."

Explore and challenge irrational beliefs about yourself. Are you operating under some beliefs that are unrealistic and/or immature? Have you examined the effect of these beliefs on your emotional functioning? Time to discard and replace these self-defeating, irrational thoughts?

Some common beliefs to examine include the following:

I must be perfect in order to have value. 
I must have the approval of others at all times in order to have worth. 
My needs are not worth being met - at least not as much as other people’s needs
Write positive self-statements to replace the negative ones that you have identified. 
Say these to yourself over and over again. Write them on your bathroom mirror!

Some examples of useful self-statements are:

I am worthwhile. My needs matter. I must meet my own needs before I attempt to meet anyone else’s. 
I am special. The world is better off with me in it. 
I have a right and no obligation to be truly happy